September 19

Today was a very good day. When I met with Healy to go over the songs and we reviewed How Many Pieces in a Broken Heart he suggested another way of presenting the song. I believe the example he wanted me to look at was Caught in a Trap. He first said it reminded him of You better Move on. I have to say that I have had a difficult time understanding what it is that he is trying to get me to change. This last happened when we worked on 911. I remember sending what I thought was a good vocal for the song in an mp3 file and talking to him a day later and hearing him equate my singing to Burl Ives. The one thing I remember him telling me is to imagine how Mick Jagger might sing this song. So that evening I shuffled out to my little studio in the shack in back and put on headphones and tried to sing like Mick Jagger. It was really strange and I of course never will sound like him, but something different happened. I found a new way to sing and although it was totally strange to hear myself singing like that, it didn't sound too bad to me the next day. So I sent off a mix to Healy and it was all good. Well, today I was able to find the song within the song for How Many Pieces. It just sort of happened that I could suddenly hear it in my head and then sing it and then record it. It makes so much more sense to present the song this way that I don't really know what I was thinking before. Along with this comes an understanding of how he gives me just enough information to figure these things out on my own which I believe is the Hallmark of something truly learned. One more thing to be grateful for.

I ran into some friends tonight and talked about my big idea and how I was looking forward to the chance to visit meetings in small faraway places. I was given a book with phone numbers across the country to call in order to find those self same meetings anywhere I happened to be. Another point of gratitude. But the best part was the support expressed from those friends who look past the obvious and see what is really important which is that we have already transcended an impossible dream and that makes any dream that we are willing to do the work for possible. Man plans and God laughs, but once in a while the path and the dream intersect. the only way to truly know is to do the footwork and hope that it continues to lead in this direction.

I also recorded new vocal tracks for Thea and Rodeoville. I worked on mixes for these songs and Not tonight as well. I don't believe that the mix information, the automated volume changes and eq settings for the individual tracks, will translate into Nuendo but it is worth doing in order to present the material as it currently exists so that we can decide on how to proceed.

The Dead are playing Shoreline tonight. I couldn't afford a ticket and when it came down to it today I thought about showing up and looking for someone to let in the back door. I know there many friends I have not seen in quite a while there and I probably won't have a chance to see them all in one place again any time soon. In the end though I could not bring myself to do something so tacky as this. Those days are over for me along with hearing Jerry sing Sugaree. Other voices and new choices unfold before me now and so it is that I let go. I will say though that I would like to have been there and that I hope they keep it going so there will be other chances down the road to go and visit and remember and perhaps create a few new memories.